is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
