i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So apparently I’m into choking now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
