Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
