I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
