I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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