I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
