yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
