You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When are your genitals available?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
