I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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