i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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