It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
