So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
