My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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