hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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