happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
