Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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