in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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