I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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