Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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