careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he puts the penis in happiness.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
