And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
