I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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