Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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