I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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