Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm both gender and math confused
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
