You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
