"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
