There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
