Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
