I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
