dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
