Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
