If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
