Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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