She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
