Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
