I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A+ Viking dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
