Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
