hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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