You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
