You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
