The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
