he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
