Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
