im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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