I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
