and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
