You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
