Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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