I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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